I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
