My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
