I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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