If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
