Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
