So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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