I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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