what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
