last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
