Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
