Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
