that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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