I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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