Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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