Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
