if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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