thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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