matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
