I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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