May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
