As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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