Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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