you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
