Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
