please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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