i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize