Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
