Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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