I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
