How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
