Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
