dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
