i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
