Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
