I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
