a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
