Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
