no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize