its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
