Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
