I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
