my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
