sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
