I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
