Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize