just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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