Fuck appropriateness.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
