I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
