Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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