She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
