She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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