the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
