Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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