I can't watch pbs sober anymore
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
