u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
