So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
