My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
