At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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