Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
