Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
