i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
no, he came in my armpit
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
