mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize