So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
