dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
