i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
