All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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