flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
