Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
