what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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