Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
