wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize