now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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