Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
