yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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