jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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