So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
