Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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