He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
