i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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