i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Can Purell be used as lube?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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