so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
