The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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