i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The air was thick with penises
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
