we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
