i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
