I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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