Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
