I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
kristin has been a bad kristin
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
