ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
