So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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