32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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