U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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