My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
