She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize