I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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