Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
