HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize