i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
pray to the hookup gods
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
