so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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