I'm gonna have a badass scar
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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